This is going to be so shockingly brief...
(I've said that before... dreadful liar at times, but it was (moderately well,) intentioned...

Hold on, need to put some music on...
Ah, there we go:
'the Blue Nile,' Peace At Last (Warner Bros 1996)
--If you've not heard of 'the Blue Nile' (scottish band, actually) you are sorely lacking... There bay still be a copy of 'walk across the rooftops,' hiding out over at Rasputins, (dreadfully cheap,)and I highly recommend you go find it.

I'm never here.

My cats think I'm somebody else, I tend to multitask my hours relentlessly, and have perfected cleaning catbox, laundry, bills, projects at home, vacuuming, changing the bed linnens, and overall organization to an exact science.
-for kicks I may replace the fuel pump on the F250.

And my posts, though long as ever, are not edited so much... it's just focus focus focus...

Why?

Love.

Yes, dear Fresno.

I was minding my own business building bicycles, trying to get both stores through the Christmas season, when this beautiful woman walked in, I saw her eyes, babbled my way through (I'm told) two hours of talking about everything, managed to build a bike for her daughter (Christmas present for the girl,) -walked it to her car,
-and, upon coming back?
Found the whole staff of the store hanging all over the counter looking out at me and asking '...DUDE, YOU WERE WORKIN' SON... WHAT WAS THAT... JEEZ, OLD SCHOOL IS ROCKIN' IT TONITE, DOG...'
(they were impressed, I was smitten.)

I've been in deep smit ever since.

And it's just snowballed and gotten worse and worse...

Met her parent, (they apparently like me, '...He's a nice fella, and he knows how to do stuff, (fellas: personal note: Home Depot is your friend, be good with tools, apparently girls like guys with tools.)

Met her kids (finally,)
I adore them, we blend well, and just last evening,(as her house is still a disaster area (she's just moved,)
We, the bunch of us were all sitting on the couch completely riveted to the screen, having gorged on pizza and salad, watching 'Princess Bride.'

None of them had seen it.

And, lemme tell ya, watching the thing from the eyes of two young children (UGH! They're kissing again!)
(I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THIS...(swordfight scene, one eye looking over the blanket,)
(I'M SOOOO NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THIS! (torture scene... I, uh, actually fast forward'd through that... even the girlfriend was looking at me with one of those '...uh, what are we showing my kids here...' sort of looks...

But overall, it was a massive success.

After driving them to their place, as the kids were prepping for bed, I heard, amidst the teeth brushing, toilet flush's, and singing as they were changing for bed... (yes, they sing, they just make stuff up, pretty good at it too...)
'...prepare to die...'
(and a little kid repeating the lines of Mandy Patinkin (the Spaniard) is waaaaaay funny, especially when you're trying not to laugh, because it's way past bedtime...)
-One of them was weilding some sort of candy stick as a sword, -and was parrying with a huge orange tabby...

Their Mom?
grabs me by the lapels, pulls me into a side cove off of the front door, and kisses me... quite intently...
(funny how people with kids find ways to privacy... it's all about the timing, it's all about the timing...)

Oddly enough...
There are several compatriots here in the 'No in the same situation.
We wind up falling for these girls who have kids, ---and it's a whole new experience... (Talk about becoming completely consumed by somebody...yeesh, the little buggers really grow on you...)

You're minding your own business, doing whatever, and in walks in something you were completely unexpecting...
-next thing you know, you're getting haircuts, washing cars, vacuuming stuff, not just 'tidying up,' the place...
All for someone who says '...it's okay, you should see my place, I just want to be with you...'

Dating in your adult years is NOT dating in your teens and twenties.
It's just not.

You're a bundle of possibly non-incindiary material that has 'been there, done that, been around the track before, and has also been run over as well.'
(And trust me, combined with the reason why I came to the dusty raisin to begin with... the last thing I wanted was another set of grillemarks and busted life care of one of these SJV sirens...)

But God...
(Which, for those of you who read your Bibles, realize that it's an amazing hinge-pin comment to any passage.)
But God... (who knew all these things more intimately and more intensely than I ever could or will,
God---Decided to do something Different---

It's a whole bundle of fears...
-what if she figures out my moves, what if they are too dated,,, what if?
-what if I don't make enough money?
-what if it all gets too personal and doesn't work out?
-what if my breath is less than fresh, or the paunch finally overcomes any form of sexy I can manage...
-what if I don't feel anything back... I mean, I've been through this before...

...But God...
Hysterically, has given us all gifts and feelings, areas of our hearts and lives that are really only ignited and quelled, put in solid working order, and find rhythms that are timeless, and never fade...

'...I feel like a teenager,' she Emailed me a few weeks ago, '...do you feel like a teenager?'
'...Yes, I feel like a teenager too,
except without the zits,
I have less hair,
my car is older than when I was a teenager,
and I now have a couple dozen bicycles...'
(I also have more hotwheels...)

And everything has changed.
You may see this.
You may not.
I guess a lot of people see it in me, as they're always saying:
'...oh so THATS what it's like to see you smile,,, what are YOU smiling about???'

Even guys I know, come up to me, (the guys are the worst,) and are like, '...dude, you are so obviously in love it's sickening, we're all gonna puke, but how did your date go last night, what do her kids think, we want all the details, spill it...'

Funny how that works...
Guys apparently like love too... (who'da guessed...?)

But it's kind of like how some folks view history BC and AD.

Now it's all...
'Well, I met this woman, and my life changed....'
kids just make it even cooler...

Which reminds me...

I have two bedrooms to paint today, and by now, she and her girlfriends from her church have had enough time to keep working on cleaning the kitchen, unpacking the mountain of boxes... that remian in all of the rooms...

My humble abode, my lair, this place that sort of 'fell together,' --that still has boxes I've not unpacked from the fall of '05, has been invaded twice by this small family that I've fallen in love with...
Each time, the following morning, I lay upstairs, looking at the ceiling, the two cats looking at me saying '...you know what you're getting into there, right cochiese???'
To which I respond...
Nope...

Though I've been in love before.
Though I've raised kids (lots of them,)
Though I've done all sorts of things, and have accomplished more in these 44 years than most will in an entire lifetime,,,

I look at it all and say:
'...yep, you give me a disaster,
I can make it right,
I can walk through stuff on fire, resolve wreckage, and give people back to themselves...
I live a life that others say '...you're a liar,'
---just by telling the truth.)
I eat stuff that freaks most people out, just for breakfast, always have, always will...

---and it all don't matter.
All the adventures and experiences...
Pale and are somebody else...

As I lay there, alone, waking up in my bedroom, thinking,,,
'...Last night, my entire future was here, all of them, they were here, sitting on my couch, eyeing up my hotwheels, nervous about sitting next to me, but wanting too, all of us hiding under a blanket, watching
'true love,' unfold on the screen in front of us.'

It's too quiet here, after that sort of thing has happened.
I cannot explain this pull, this desire to be amidst the din and the constant movements and thoughts, the tons of questions that they ask, and how the older one looks at me, sizing me up, and in their own way, coming close in approval and trust.

I've known Jesus for 35 years, and have prayed about things I cannot begin to explain,
---and when I look at this bunch, the floor drops out, I'm suddenly in midflight, and saying repeatedly
'..Lord, don't let me screw this up, please, fill me, guide me, and love them more than you've loved anyone, use me if you can, and if I get in your way, remove me,
---but love them endlessly,,,, and thank you for showing them to me, now I understand You...'
Not much else has ever affected me this way, and not much else has this much effect, truth be told.

None of the past ammounts to this.
All of the past brought me to this.

Christien, though you said no, and drove away?
In both our prayers, to be used by God in each other's lives,
it would seem to have come true.

-Each wrong turn, at least brought me here.

So,
I asked the girlfriend...
point blank...
'...so like I guess this means I'm going to grow old and die in Fresno, huh.' (oh well, we all have to go somewhere...)

'...no, because I don't want to grow old and die here...'

But here is fine for now.
Here is where it all is.
It turns out, here has nothing to do with 'here,' after all.

Here is a woman and her kids, who I love more than anything in the world,
Who are starting to trust me, and care for me back, happen to be...

So, like, I gotta go.
I got two rooms to paint.

'...Hello,,, my name is Eric L. Field, I come here in the name of my Father and Mother.
....prepare to live.'

(another 'Dread Pirate Roberts,' considers retirement.)