keep in touch.

-E

Well it's been nice exchanging ideas and stories with you.
You're a much more patient and giving person than I am.

May God bless you and keep you in his care.

I appreciate your summation that 'I'm a caring person.'

Yeah, I guess I am.
Looking back over the years (I'm not young,) and quite a few decades of being in a family that cares for others, -and then carrying on this trend on my own, as well as with the churches and groups I've been a part of over the years, caring is something I was both raised to do, and feel (aside from that taught motive,) that it's something that is simply part of being a human being.

There definitely are people out there who 'don't want to change,' -but just want others to handle their problems for them.

That someone is in 'that state,' (where they want to be perpetually 'helped,') is not a decision to be arrived at quickly.
I have found (in most situations,) that there are tons of people who may require help here and there who are not looking to use the world as a crutch, but who simply benefit from somebody caring, -and then go on, do great, and care for others.

Caring for other people is not some sort of downward spiral of co-dependancy. (I'm sorry if you've had experiences where caring for others was a constant drain, and you were taken advantage of in that way, that sucks.)

Having done this on a professional level (not just as a 'person who cares,) for a number of years, I find two things really important to know 'going in,' when choosing to care, (maybe three things, off the top of my head.)

1. understand (first,) IF you really are in a position (emotionally, physically, socially, financially, etc.) to really help somebody or not.
Far too often I see folks who are in really desperate straits over extend themselves (or their families,) who try to care for others 'because nobody else does care.' --which is the wrong reason to try to make a difference, and can only add to the problem.
Should you still care? Sure.
But sometimes caring for someone in that situation means knowing where to send them for help, and not trying to 'fix,' their situation for them.
People with troubled lives can have very deep roots of things that are a concern, and some of the habits and mobeus loops that they get into can be as a result of other more deep seated issues.
This does not make them 'helpless,' nor 'beyond help,' ---but there may be things happening there that require deeper 'help,' ---and you'll be helping them even more, simply as the brief (or longer,) 'moral support,' who recognizes their trust, and respects their trust by showing them where they can get help.

2. (For myself, actually, though others feel this way too.)
I work with a Deity.
In other words, I have a relationship with God, (as a Christian,) where I realize that all I am, all I have, all my days, (etc.) -though I'm responsible for, ---are actually not my own, -but belong to God. (People who aren't in this sort of relationship with God probably aren't going to 'get this,' -that's okay.)
-I know God knows more than I do, I also know that God understands exactly what I am to do, how I fit into the picture, -and what will be 'best,' for the situation.
---Do I get this right all the time? No, -but usually it's because I wasn't listening to God.
---Now, is this some sort of 'tent revival-image of a blessed saint showing up on a water tower somewhere,' sort of 'hearing from God.'
No.
Though there are certainly times when God speaking can be quite mystical and 'supernatural,' -To me? He's (primarily,) also already spoken via the Bible.
So, when it comes to looking at others, caring for them, getting involved with them, (even) seeing them for their worth? I like to follow the Bible as a guide (not hard to do, actually, the thing is chock-full-o examples of how God feels about people and their issues, (as well as pretty much any interpersonal relationship issue still out there today,) ---and the Holy Spirit does an amazing job of guiding.
---But, again, somebody who is not 'into this?' -well, doesn't really have God guiding as a resource.
That doesn't mean that they're not great at what they do, or don't understand how to care for others.
It means, for myself, the ways that I care, how I care, as well as that caring being 're-energized,' -in very real ways, --comes from God.
(For me? trying to do that on my own, away from God just doesn't work.)

3. Human beings (their lives,) really don't have an 'outcome,' guaranteed in a lot of situaitons.
I've cared for people (thousands of them over the years, actually,) and have found that, if there is ever a situation where you cannot predict what will happen, it's with people.

For some? The time spent on a situation or one a person has to 'pan out,' and come across as worth the effort in the end.
-I've found that we often times have no idea, nor control over what's going to happen 'around the corner,' in others lives, -nor in our own.
A person can make plans, they can act responsibly, they can do all the right moves, -stuff can still come out of left field.

Caring for other people is literally like throwing money down a well. (Literally.)
You spend your money on food for them? -what happens with the food?
You spend your money on clothes for them, -what happens to the clothes?
You spend your time and effort, --all of your resources on 'caring for them.' ---at the end of the day, you can both be sitting there completely exhausted, both in need of food, both in need of clothing, -with bills coming in. (This is under the best circumstances, ---start throwing in such beauts as 'tickets, dealings with the police, unpaid bills, etc.' --and it becomes entangled...

So, yeah, caring can be very expensive.

But, (and I guess I want to clear this up right away,)
There is no greater joy in life, than to care for somebody else, see them blessed in a situation, and see them 'get it,' and be able to do better, if only for a brief while.
-Sometimes that 'brief while,' goes on for days, months, or years.
You never really know when somebody is really going to understand what to do, choose to do it, and then decide to walk correctly (in that situation,) -and I personally, having been in this racquet, (so to speak,) for so long? have seen folks really come around and do great.
-Sometimes I was the last one to 'care,' and they got it, -and things flew beautifully.'
-Sometiems I was the first one, and it took years, but they eventually 'got it.'

I just know that you cannot really say '...yeah, this will work, this will fix it, -there is a guarnanteed outcome for this situation, and I'm going to see this person now become a model citizen.'

(It may be, in fact, the end of your time being in their life, -as they can become an endangerment, -both to themeselves and others IF further facilitated, --but you can still care, and encourage them to act differently, (that's still caring.)

Again this has a lot to do with the involvement of 'God.'

I personally feel that God is bigger, and has better plans for anyone, -and that those plans include my neighbor, and that, by following God's desire and leading for how to care for others? ---and then the fact that, God doesn't want people constantly sabotaging themselves, (and yes, sometimes holding back, and getting them to 'walk,' on their own, rather than carrying them, ---will cause growth.)
I have seen time and again how it does go well.

Choosing not to see and work with others this way?
Very quickly a person becomes cold, mercinary, and embittered.
I'm not sure exactly why, -but such self-absorbed and 'self-protected,' methods seem to have the exact opposite, -people corrode from the inside out, and become miserable.

In a simple sentence, I care about people, because, having been around God for so long, I see and understand that God does too, -that God knows what's best for them, -and that I need to follow that lead.
Even in the roughest situations, there is a lot of peace and happiness to it.
Do I enjoy when awful things happen, and my friends/neighbors turn up with problems with the police in life? No.
It's heartbreaking.
But I also know that these problems aren't 'the final,' story on the matter, -they're just really awful to go through at this time.
But there is always 'hope.'

(at least my two cents on that.)

I understand and you seem like a sensitive human being. I used to feel bad and see alot of grey in life when I witnessed some of the same.

I had spent years trying to help some friends who seemed to always be victims. Their calls to my home phone were always bad news. They were being fired because of racism, they were robbed by their friend, he cheated on her, she thinks she's pregnant, She can't pay her giant cell phone bill, the IRS is after them for not filing taxes for 10 years, they can't afford to pay their 15 traffic tickets, they're going to get evicted for not paying their rent, the list goes on. Each phone call brought my blood pressure up and put me in action mode. Every other thought throughout my day would be about trying to solve their problem.

I helped and contacted their family members to get their help. Then things would seem like they were in order and no more than 3 months later, their situation was in trouble again. This has been going on for over 20 years now.

The last time was August 2007. I'd spent several months researching, funding, advising, helping them with their legal and medical problems, and numerous other things. To my amazement, She, he, them did nothing to help themselves and instead of turning a new leaf went the opposite way and added more problems to the list. They decided (without letting me know) to move and flew to Florida with her parent's last few dollars. They figured instead of fixing their problems in California they would start a new life from scratch there and be happy. They don't have jobs, no car, expired license, without a place to stay and living on an acquaintance's couch where they've been asked to find a place to live soon. Mary Engelbreight, although in a whimsical way. has it right when she writes "Wherever you go, there you are"

In the meantime, their parents have received letters informing them that there is a warrant out for their arrest, their charge card bills are piling up at her father's house. Her family has done everything in their power to help them financially and allowed them to live with them. Her father has gone broke trying to help them so many times that he is going without a phone and at times without electricity.

Yes it's a shame that there are so many people whose lives are a mess. Sometimes like I experienced, people don't seem to want to work toward cleaning up their life. No matter how many times we've helped them straighten out, they always go back to doing what they know is not a good idea.

We only get one life to live, don't let others take the joy out of yours. There are alot of caring people like you, me, my family living a clean content life in Fresno too.

Best to you always..

Though I realize Josh billed it as a 'homesick' piece, (in the flyer,)
In fact?
It was about moving here, being really close to a neighbor (who is also a transplant,) -and having them, unfortunately get sort of ripped away by unfinished business with another state, legally.

I do not advocate what was not handled correctly, nor what was said by he or his wife... I just felt the situation was heartbreaking and felt like writing about it.

-The update?
Since writing the piece:

There has been a national 'clean up,' going on with 'dead-beat-dads,'

-Though he's actually been in touch with his child, sends them gifts, and sends what money that he can?
He's been out of work for a while, has a family here, (the child was from a previous marriage,) --and he's not been able to afford the child support (He and his wife are a single income family, and have three kids here.)
-Basically that state escalates the situation to a 'felony,' level,
calls for extradition,
and he's trying to get the ammount reduced to something that he can pay,(realistically,)
he's also trying to get the warrant lifted.

That he doesn't have that much money to begin with? Makes it a bit rougher.
They are seeking an attorney, but, again, without a lot of money, it's not going particularly well.

On the bright side?
His wife was not busted for 'harboring,' and the kids are still with her.

My origional reason for coming here?
Trust me, you don't want me to go into that, (if that remained in my psyche at all, I'd hate the place forever.)

I actually don't judge Fresno by a few 'bad situations.'
There are a lot of good aspects to the town (that are definitely real.)
There are also some severely bad aspects to the town (also, very real.)

I write about both.

-As far as 'dealing with,' the bad and the good?

I think it's important to deal with the bad, understand it, face it, try to implement change, -and not further it.

Too much of what I find here is complacencey
'...you'll find good and bad everywhere,' is actually kind of a non-answer.

Regardless of whether there is bad elsewhere,
-the Bad here is what folks have do deal with day in and day out, -and the answer is not 'just move.'
-It's not 'just move to the N.E.' or 'just move where you don't have to interract with those people/problems.'
-Yeah, there are some aspects that are overwhelming, -but I've not found that quite yet.

I think one of the bigger problems (locally,) is that the 'problems,' are ignored, or simply swept under the rug as 'that's how THAT section of town is.'

Being from the East Coast?
We don't have the option of 'not dealing,' with our neighbors, or with cultural issues that can have such a heavy impact on a city.
I was raised to work things through, we have no options over there because we're so closely packed with no more room.

-Here? folks deal with it by not dealing (and again, relocating to where everybody thinks the same.)

Another Fresno peculiarity is, because it's been so hammered for so long?,(though it does its fair share of hammering back,)
There is this unsaid rule:
'...Don't say anything bad about Fresno, Fresno has had enough bad said about it, love it or leave it.'

Screw that rule.
It's a bogus rule.

Sometimes you can see great promise in a place, and you can care about it a great deal, -but also can recoginize, '...there is a concern here, and to just smile and say '...yeah, stuff is swell,' actually means you're worried more about what others are going to say and think, ---than just telling the truth.

I think there are some great aspects of here, and also think that there are some real issues that need to be addressed.
I address stuff.
I try to be nice about it, (if I can,) but I address stuff.

There are plenty of folks who don't, and are happy to (not) change,
-which means things get worse and the 'stereotype(s)'
-be it of individuals or of an entire area, -just grow more potent and caustic.

I'm not into that.

But, yeah, if it's seen as a 'homesick,' piece, the response would be '..why stay if it's this bad.'

-It's more about loss of a close friend, who is my neighbor, both of us, not from here, and both of us knowing what it's like to understand and work with this place.
It's abotu a general recognition that you cannot make others choices for them, and sometimes the best you can do is just stand there, try to support them, -but still see them go through excruciatingly difficult times.

(That happens anywhere, -it just happened to happen here.)

But I do appreciate your comments (famous guest,) as well that you wish me the best too, -please know that I feel the same back towards yourself.
-E

I feel for your loss and all, but you will find bad areas and people doing the wrong thing wherever you go.

That being said, the last time I checked Fresno was not a jail. No one is holding you here against your will or are you in a witness protection program? I don't know if I missed the reason for you being in Fresno in the first place. But, It's your choice to live wherever you choose and up to you to do the research before you choose what area to live in. I moved here from the Los Angeles area and researched the communities for a year before deciding where I would buy a home. Don't judge an entire city by bad situations around you. Look elsewhere for a better area to live or better yet, you should move back to your home town where you can be happy.

I wish you the best.

Yeah I am in a similiar boat.I can't afford airfare either. My family generally sends me a ticket. Thank God for them being so kind. I can't handle crowds and commotion very much, so traveling on the holiday's would be a nitmare for me.
If I had a car I would just drive home. It would take about 3 days. But gas would probably cost as much as the airfare. It is a bummer not having a car,being poor, and being so far from anyone you know.
This is the first time I have been without a car and I find it depressing. Thanks to an un-insured motorist, my lil old buick bit the dust.

I call home often, thank goodness for cell phones.

...well, sometimes you have to just trust things into the Lord's hands, (and you don't know what happens, till you get to see it on the video playback upstairs when down here is done...)

I'll keep folks posted.

regarding 'visiting home,' and 'the holidays.

-truth be told?
I'm not the sort of person who can afford airfare a whole bunch.

The cheapest time to fly IS the holidays (Christmas morning to NewYears Eve, to be exact,)
-I bounce back to NJ on those times, -and a ticket that normally runs for a thousand, -goes for three and a half to four hundred. (and you often fly with the funnest folks...)
I'm betting a similar deal can be found for your neck of the woods

-go on line to something like 'hotwire,' register your seat, and all, -and then when it comes time to pay? take the print out of the seat you've registered for you over to the counter at FAT, -they give it to you for THAT price...

-now, it can be dicey with the weather and all (this past christmas was a real lulu, My flights got bounced all over the place, and made it home a day after I was supposed to (they threw me on a red-eye from LAX to Dulles, (which is like going from abandoned high-tech hollywood to a vacant cleared field on the backside of nowhere, (resulting in a rather interesting conversation with a guy headed to Helsinki who had drank Waaaaay too much caffiene who was deciding to compose (with hand gestures,) on his computer there in the lobby...
---but I still made it and it was still 'christmas,' ya know?

-so try that, don't sweat the connecting flights (usually there is only one layover involved,)

-and remember to call, (frequently.)
(Hey, E.T. was always wantin' to phone home, and the little dude was of a higher intelligence... (granted, not very attractive,) but still, the man knew what he was talking about...

Very touching... This is Fresno, too...

I can relate to missing home. I've only been here 4 years. All my family lives in the Midwest. I get to see my family once a year if I'm lucky. It can be hard to be away, especially during the holidays. I haven't spent a holiday with my family in 5 years now.

Anyways, I hope that your friend gets his troubles sorted out. Life can be a rollercoaster sometimes.