(The following was unearthed recently by an unnamed source, and is being considered for accuracey (and spelling.)

I.
1.On the day of the Lord, a cloud, created by a passing bus came and spoke these, a sophet of the Lord Himself, causing a great stir among the peoples known to walk the earth, eat from the land, and dance to strange Englishmen.
2. In the morn, Thou shalt arise, and stretch, groan a great noise, and scratcheth thee against a post, then thou shalt take thy own ass, not thy neighbors, nor thy manservants, nor thy maidservants, but thine own, and thou shall walk, with thine own feet, to a place, hithertofor to be known as 'the bike shop,'
3. And thou shall find it to be a holy place, set aside from all manner of beasts, both two and four wheeled driven,
4. And thou shall find among these walls, many erstwhile frames, and wheels, sprockets, and other roundy things, as well as chains, seats, and other nasties that thou, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant shall not eat, (fort they are not meant for thee in thine fashion,)
5. But thou shall fashion thineself a manner of mobility, using thine own feet, thine own hands, thine own actions, and reactions, and the sweat of thine brow, and thine own padunkus.
6. Thou shall use all manners of brakes, and taping of strange curved metal parts.
7. Thou shall use all manners of reflectors on thine frame, and on thine spokes, lest the two and the four wheeled beasts might not see thee in thy coming and going, and smite thee and cause pain and much suffering.

II.
8. Thou shall take thine motivation, and thou shall go thee to thine abode, where thou reside, and eat all manner of foods, both ye strange, and ye known. Thou shalt drink and pisseth against a wall.
9. And thou shalt find thyself all manner of strange garb, and peculiar gel for thine locks, and thou shalt adorn thyself with linens, and polyesters, and rubber things, as found in the Holy Writ, of Sears and Roebuck.
Thou shalt also fashion thyself a girdle of shiney substance, and thou shall wear it at night hours, so as not to be smitten by any two or four wheeled beasts, that might not see ye in thine coming and thine going.
10. And thou, so prepared, shall motivate thyself among the people of the land, and the small and great winged beasts, and the small and great non-winged beasts, and all manner of critters and slow moving elders with aluminum framed ambulatory boxes.
11. And thou, when comest across any fashion of man or beast, shall greet them with a dingle of thine temple bells, and thou shall not smite thine neighbor, thy neighbors neighbor, nor thy neighbors ass, nor thy neighbors two or four legged beasts, be they evasive, glad, or enraged to see thee.
Eating of bugs, with thy teeth, when smiling, is a blessed thing.
12. Thou shalt speaketh against, but not relieve thyself upon thy neighbors two or four wheeled beast, NOR shall thy leave that which is of the draught on thy neighbors hood, -for thus maketh a foul smelling thing to the Lord.

III.
13. Thou shalt find thine friends, those who collect ink on strange bodyparts, and together ride the ride of the just and not smite any living creature that crawls, nor walks, nor hops, nor belches in thine way, as they too seek to praise thee and call ye just.
14. Thou shalt ride thine motivation in the way, and not stray to the right nor to the left, lest the phone poles and sign posts smite thee. Thine ride shall have on it two fenders, one coming one going, two wheeled things, no frizzles, nor frazzles, nor streamers of any kind, -as they are silly and make the heavens snicker and guffaw.
15. Thou shalt ride for many times, and times of times, halting to drinketh water, eateth food of the table of those who welcome thee. If thou barks out the draught while at thine friends table, thou shalt cry 'excuse me,' and refrain from much 'south of the border' victuals.
16. Thou and thine inked friends, be they sacred or profane, shall ride uprightly, and not as the heathen do. There shall be no wheels of training, nor firey darts, nor head of oxen, assen, or the odd ghecko on thine ride, nor on thine person, for thou art to be noble and just, and not smell of these things.

IV.
17. In twilight, bid thine fellow inked friends good morrow, and ride towards thy house, straying not to the right, nor to the left, -else the curbs shall smite thee.
18. Wash thyself, when in thine house, for thou shalt stinketh, and wish to be provocative, yet not abrasive, sayeth the Lord.
19. And thou, on thine bed, beside thy two wheeled motivation, shall stare at the ceiling, at many glowing plastic stars, dream of many passing miles pedalled with thine friends, and sleep the sleep of the just, and know that thine God thinketh much, of thee. Amen.

(I'm not sure how authentic it is... I mean, carbon tests show it to be a couple of thousand years old, -but it was written on a paper sack that says 'Schwinn of Ephesus' -but the bag was made in Taiwan...)